i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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