it hurts more in the daytime
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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