Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
