i already hear my dad disowning me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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