Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
