taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize