There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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