you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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