go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
