So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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