No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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