I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
