We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
