o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
