i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
