I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
