Got a toothbrush?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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