I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
