I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
