he was CRYING into my vagina
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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