On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
