I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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