Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
