I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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