i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
