where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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