You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
