So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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