there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
