I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
