I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
