then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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