I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
