similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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