my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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