sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
