Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm both gender and math confused
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
