i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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