Tell her she can't have a vagina
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
