I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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