Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
