i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize