The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
