She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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