Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
