Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
