dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize