He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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