Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This is my gift to your gina
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize