I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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