ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
