Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
