Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize