By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
