I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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