Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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