Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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