did you get engaged???
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
