You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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