I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
