Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
