She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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