i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
a search helicopter?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
