i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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