he shaved USA in his pubs
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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