Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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